Travel 101

As Mr. Muscato and I prepare for our summer holiday, I am of course looking for travel tips. Fortunately, reliably as ever, the Telegraph has come through with some thoughtful insights from their perennial go-to gal for common-sense help, Miss Joan Collins.

She may not break any new ground (she marvels at the "new craze" of buying counterfeit handbags on Canal Street, which I believe dates back to the Cretaceous), and sadly she doesn't really say much about our intended destinations, but she does provide some useful information for us to keep in mind:

Never underpack: Miss C. reminds us that climate is unpredictable. I'm so glad she brought this up, so that now I can be sure to bring plenty of resort togs and my mink. Overweight charges be damned! Or could this possibly have something to do with the fact that, as the article reminds us in tiny print as a postscript, that Miss Collins is a "brand ambassador" for a luggage forwarding company?

Be prepared: Dear Joan recounts for us a recent (! remember that part) vacation upset, when en route to friends' in Acapulco, her luggage, sadly not forwarded, went missing, and she was forced into a tragic situation that involved "replacing all my resort clothing and ... borrowing bikinis and make-up from my hostess." Some day, when the shaking and the sleepless nights have passed, you'll forgive me for having planted in your mind the image of a bikini-clad 21st century Joan Collins in borrowed make-up.

While Miss C. is sensible on the whole about where to stay - she expresses strong preferences for the Ritz in Paris and the Dorchester in London - she also claims to be eager to venture out to our part of the world in order to experience the wonder that is Atlantis. Well, you know how I feel about that. Perhaps I'll just have fall back on my old standby when it comes to useful travel tips; I know I have my copy of Joan Crawford's My Way of Life around here somewhere. Ermilia!