Playground Update

"Oh, it's true - I heard Mommy talking to that awful lady!"

"The one she calls Mrs. Prowler?"

"That's her. And she says Stephen Haines is stepping out on Little Mary's Mamma!"

All My Darling Daughters

So my new office, now that the good people of Golden Handcuffs Amalgamated International have moved our exiguous little unit up closer to the mother ship, as it were, is rather centrally located. Because we are in Our Nation's Capital, it's come as no surprise that one thing that means is that we are near museums.

Ladies of a Certain Age

One of the goodies that appeared during My Dear Sister's recent whirlwind visit was a disc of family photos that she's had scanned.  The person who did the scanning did his or her level best to read the backs of those photos that were inscribed, which is helpful, but sadly this formidable lady is described only as "Auntie Harriet."*  Just think; here she's very likely just about the same age as Jane Fonda.  Getting old isn't what it used to be, although in Auntie Harriet's defense, she's less shy about showing her hands than Madonna.

Meanwhile, in the Attic...

"Well," thought Sir Edgar, "Isobel has little enough to worry about, poor fool - she wasn't even awake for the worst of it."

Overheard at the Garden Party

"Oh, no, Virginia - I simply can't believe it!"

And Now, a Word from Our Sponsor

It's true - the eyes have it.  I had no idea the Voldemort nose made such a splash in 1951 or so.

An Auspicious Introduction

Bridget was at first surprised when Lady Fogminster insisted on holding the interview for the position of under-housekeeper in her boudoir.

Why Don't You...

...don you now your gay apparel?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have you started cooking yet?

Sales Pitches of Yesteryear

Hard to imagine trying to make this slogan work in one of today's Madison Avenue campaigns, no?

Pull All the Stops Out

Well, she certainly got herself a gimmick...

Ladies First and Otherwise

Whatever their political opinions, the membership of the Ashtabula Literary Society thought Mrs. Roosevelt displayed admirable composure when she came to their monthly Book Night.

Meanwhile, at a Nearby Tea Room

"Really?!"

"Oh, yes, Irene.  I'm sure that's her.  Sitting there cool as a cucumber in her Daché hat and summer furs.  The nerve!"

"And it's true she used to work at Black's?"

"Oh, indeedy-do, my dear.  Standing there at the perfume counter, palming that putrid Summer Rain off on Park Avene playgirls who don't know any better.  Oh, I've seen her kind before.  I wasn't born yesterday!"

"Well, what do you know.  So I guess it really is true - Stephen Haines is stepping out on Mary!"

All Mod Cons

One Tuesday morning, Irene learned that she could refill her Miltown prescription over the telephone.

Meanwhile, in the Drawing Room

Lady Viola knew that she could neither forget nor forgive what she had just seen on the hearthrug.  The singular position adopted by her husband and the under footman was perplexing enough, but the presence of both her prize Airedale and her emerald choker was simply inexplicable.

Shameless Saturday Camp Explosion: Mind Your Manners

This 1947 gem from no less than Mrs. Edwin Main (Emily) Post actually contains a great deal of very useful advice - little nuggets that, judging from the dinners I go to, not a few persons in comparatively lofty positions could learn much from.

I particularly enjoy the several things that many would now think likely to be the height of gaucherie that Mrs. Post reminds us are quite correct:  drinking from one's soup cup, for example, or the almost entirely forgotten fact that bread plates are not used at a formal dinner, and the bread (if any) is simply deposited on the tablecloth (for sopping purposes only, please, no butter).  I'm also quite taken with the parade of horrors committed by Mrs. Inexcusable Cigarette, who was clearly unused to human companionship of any kind, poor thing.

And wasn't American food plain?  Those cubed potatoes look to be strangers even to a little pepper, and you just know that Mrs. Post's cook had never heard of cilantro, fenugreek, or hoisin sauce.  At least she rose to exotic little touches like that challenging ethnic treat, SPAH-ghetti, and bravo to attractive Virginia Hopkins for managing it so deftly.

This missive from the Emily Post Institute (Emily Post, President) may have been filmed a decade or two before my time, but this was the world I was raised in.  There is not a little resemblance between Mrs. Post there in her garden and my sainted Grandmother Muscato, who actually did serve whole poached fruit for dessert and expect one tidily to cut around the stone, at a table that was never less neatly set than here, three meals a day.  Under her expert guidance, her Alice (She's a Treasure)* put out sauces no less drenching than Mrs. Post's Hollandaise, not to mention a creampuff in syrup that I'm sure would give Mrs. P's a run for its money. Even now, all these years later, I still feel a twinge of guilt, a cool draught over one shoulder, when I eat a bowl of cereal, milk poured directly from the fridge, perched on a stool, sans underplate, sans placemat, sans any of the things that "separate us from the savages, dear.  Sit up."

At a time when we may need more than a little reminding of the basic rules of civilization, on levels even more significant (if such were possible! cries the shade of Grandma M.) than table manners, they do remain a place to start. Tonight I think we'll eat in the dining room, and while we may not rise to finger bowls, we can at least be more Virginia than Inexcusable.  It's a start.

*  I actually for a little while thought that might be the housekeeper's last name...

The Awful Truth

Adelaide and Cora looked on in shock.  They had heard of such things, of course, but couldn't bring themselves actually to believe it until they saw it for themselves.  So it was true:  Stephen Haines was stepping out on Mary.

Later, on the Dance Floor

As the years passed, it was decreasingly clear whether the widowed Lady Shufflehampton knew for certain if she was actually at a costume party or not.  Tonight, for example, she introduced her date to everyone as Sun Yat Sen, which is just silly; who here doesn't know he's Herman, the Tranquil Palms Retirement World's janitor?

Even so, I say that as long as those two kicky kids are having fun, let the music play...

Three Girls Three

On a fine autumn day, there was nothing that Evelyn, Eve, and Lyn liked better than to dress up as Pat Nixon, link hands, and go for a walk on the shoulder of the Interstate while singing a hymn or two.

They're Heee-eeere!

 

"I can't believe she did it again this year!"'

"What - came two hours early or brought along Sheila from Accounts Receivable?"

"Both!"

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?  She's your Aunt Claudia - go and get them a glass of Cold Duck or there'll be hell to pay.  I've got to finish getting dressed."