Thursday, February 28, 2013

Escape from Bitch Mountain

Hell of a week, kids, and no mistake.  This is the season when The Home Office comes out to the Sandlands and wants to be entertained, meaning that this week I have had to throw two vast parties, one of which had what was absolutely without exception the worst background-music band that ever tried to carry off a cover of "Sweet Child of Mine" (which would have been horrific enough, but was all the more so because I had very carefully gone over a sample setlist of things like Gershwin, Porter, and Berlin).  The only saving grace was that (a) the Home Office execs were by that point more or less blotto and (b) the lead singer had what the immortal script of Monty Python and the Holy Grail described as Vast Tracts of Land, which very much had our lead VIP visitor in their thrall.

So, to turn to brighter thoughts, Mr. Muscato and I (that's his elbow)  are running away for the weekend to see the Bahrain Boys, and I write this from the cosy confines of that most civilized of modern creations, the Airport Premium Lounge.  As you can see, we're already feeling much better.


  1. Somebody call Eric Rohmer. He's got to make a followup to Claire's Knee. It will be called Mr. Muscato's Elbow.

    It's the story of a band of blog followers who become obsessed with desire to touch the elbow of the blog author's husband. They write odes to the olecranon. They plot elaborate journeys to the sandlands to find the elusive joint. They long from afar. They write fan fiction. They post about it in the Synovial Hinge Hall of Fame. They form a symphonic collective called HUR (humerus, ulna, radius) and write songs about it. They hold a Billie Holiday lookalike contest where each of them sings "I Must Have That Man's Elbow." They name their puppies Articulatio Cubiti.

    It'll all be in French. And fabulous.

    1. Sweetie, you cannot continue to substitute Tic Tacs for your meds. I know we've all been there, but trust me, eventually there's nothing like pharmeceuticals.

    2. But I love my minty fresh breath...and at only 1 1/2 calories, five tic tacs have no more calories than one mint sweetened without sugar.

  2. Having heard a resident band in the Etap Hotel in Luxor perform the most hilarious version I have ever heard of "Johnny Guitar" I quite sympathise... Jx

  3. Mmmmmm, Johnny Guitar! What a movie!