Happy New Year, Possums!

I suppose it's inevitable that after the festivities and distractions of the last few weeks - the race through Christmas toward the new year - that there might be something of a lull this first weekend of January. Well, I can't think of a more bracing tonic for the post-holiday blues than a while spent in the high-wire company of everybody's favorite Housewife Megastar.

Shameless Sunday Camp Explosion: Birthday Diva

As a taste in persons, Camp responds particularly to the markedly attenuated and to the strongly exaggerated... What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine.

- Susan Sontag, "Notes on Camp"

We're a day late with this week's Camp Explosion, I know, but while it's no excuse, the birthday of no less than the great Grace Jones makes it entirely appropriate to mark the day today instead.

Here we see her in surprisingly cozy form - perhaps something in the sheer surreality of the setting brings out the lady in her.  Certainly, sandwiched between Dame Edna and late-period Tony Curtis, she seems by far the most conventional person on stage.  A snippet of her 1989 hit, "Love on Top of Love" reminds us of what alluring fun her mainstream (comparatively) pop era was, while her anecdotes of wild Paris nights with Jerry Hall now have something of the air of Innocents Abroad.  Who else would show up for a talk show - even a semi-spoof one - dressed as Delilah ("I brought my scissors along - anyone for a haircut?")?

Today, by the bye, this fierce creature is (are you sitting down?) - 65.  I suddenly feel entirely better about my own recent milestone...

In a Perfect World

Dame Edna is Carlotta Campion!

Talk around the Café recently turned, as things are wont to do in these parts, from an appreciative remark about that Antipodean Girl With Something Extra, the one and only Dame Edna Everage, to the Broadway favorite of an elite subset of fans, the extraordinary creation that is Follies.

This gave rise, logically enough, to the idea of Dame Edna actually in the show - followed almost immediately by the creation, by deeply and importantly talented Café regular Bill, of the following adaptation of the piece's big number. Were the Dame to take my advice, she would immediately make it her signature song.

I reproduce this little piece of genius here, in genuine admiration and no small glee, with the author's permission.

Imagine the setting - the lights dimming as our lilac-tressed diva moves center stage; she hits her spot, and:

Good times and bum times,
I've seen them all
And, possums,
I’m still here...

Plush velvet sometimes,
Sometimes just Foster's - it's beer,
But I’m here...

I've glued the rhinestones on my specs,
Strewn gladioli, turned down sex -
Seen Salma H. disappear
But I’m here!

I've hawked some makeup,
Shilled for a company called MAC,
But I’m here;
Vanity Fair breakup
Take your advice column back,
But I’m here...

Vegemite sammies in Moonee Ponds
Watched while Madge Alsop sold war bonds
In the Depression was I depressed?
Nowhere near -
I bagged Sir Norman Everage
And I'm here!

I've been through Valmai,
Clifford and Kenny's affair,
And I'm here;
Dear Bruce 'n' Joylene,
Lois, wisteria hair,
And I'm here...

I got through Mel G's drunken blow,
Bridesmaid Madge Alsop,
Russell Crowe -
Had heebie-jeebies for dear Kylie Minogue;
I got through Cruise and Kidman,
And I’m here!

I've gotten through Norman's testicular murmur
Gee, that was fun and a half -
When you've been through someone's testicular murmur
Anything else is a laugh...

Been through Barry Humphries,
I’ve been through Beverly Hills,
And I’m here;
Kookaburras and gum trees,
rest cures, religion, and pills,
And I’m here...

Been called an Outback Aussie Fool,
got through it out back by my pool
I should've opened an acting school,
…and a bar -
Still someone said, "GigaStar",
so I'm here!

Purple mink one day,
Just can’t resist its allure,
but I'm here;
Top billing Monday,
out on the Dame’s Royal Tour,
but I'm here...

First you're an Aussie housewife name,
Then Kenny's mother,
then The Dame
Then you career from career to career
I’ll write my gorgeous memoirs,
and I'm here!

I've gotten through, "Hey, Edna, aren't you spooky?
Wow, what a looker you are!"
Or better yet, "Sorry, it's just kind of spooky
To meet such a huge GigaStar!"

Good times and bum times,
I've seen 'em all
And, possums,
I'm still here

Plush velvet sometimes
Sometimes just Foster's - it's beer,
But I'm here...

I've run the gamut, ‘cause I care
Three cheers and quick sticks,
Where is Cher?
I got through all of last year,
and I'm here!

Possums, at least I was there,
and I'm here
Look who's here,
I'm still here!

And fade to black as the audience goes wild.

Somewhere, I'd like to think, Yvonne de Carlo, Eartha Kitt, and Ann Miller are having a right chuckle over their cocktails.

After and Before: The Gigastar

Dame Edna Everage, philanthropist, mentor, author, entrepreneur, pioneering feminist theorist, diva, and international sex bomb;

Mrs. Norman Everage, at home in Moonee Ponds, 1955. Spooky, isn't it, where time and destiny can take one, possums?

Salaam, Possums!

You want neck-snapping, double-take inducing culture clash?

How about the idea that the Mac Cosmetics boutique in our conservative little Sultanate's new mall is heavily pushing the firm's latest line - featuring none other than that unique Aussie gigastar, the fabulous Dame Edna Everage?

There's something about the vision of the shop's thoroughly veiled salesgirls dishing out dollops of drag queen (or at least pantomime dame) inspired paint that I secretly love...