Sunday, December 8, 2013

Question Time: Ask the Oracle #7

Well, who knew?  Turns out some people - even serious researchers - really do Ask the Oracle.

I don't suppose much of this is terribly surprising, and I'm not sure how strictly rigorous the whole thing was, but I do have to admire the cleverness of the methodology.  Apparently that first question is significantly more frequently asked in your more close-minded states; what the linked article doesn't fully substantiate is my suspicion that of those who go to Google for that first question, something on the order of 70 percent are in fact Michele Bachmann.

On the subject of husbands more generally, I do think this is a rather dismal list, don't you?  Doesn't paint a terribly flattering picture of the marital relationship in general, that's for sure.  I suppose I'm not surprised not to see the kinds of queries most likely to arise chez nous:
  • ... a jam-makin' fool?
  • ... out walking the dogs?
  • ... still glued to that damn laptop?
But I suppose in so many ways we're not exactly typical, whether we're part of two percent, five percent, or (as was my experience back when I was paying attention to that sort of thing) something on the order of about  35 percent-after-a-couple-of-cocktails.

No, those kinds of questions are all pretty academic hereabouts, where we have more pressing things to worry about.  Our big holiday* gift arrived yesterday, and we're having great fun playing with a large-capacity, heavy-duty food processor.  Mr. Muscato is nothing if not methodical, so it looks like we'll be going through the accompanying instruction manual recipe-by-recipe, from introductory to complex.  As a result, we now rejoice in the presence in our kitchen of something like 15 cups of bread crumbs.  I'd be less patient about that if I hadn't cheated and looked ahead - within a day or two he'll be making food-processor Hollandaise, which will definitely help me deal with the idea that everything we're eating for the next ten days or so will be breaded.

* There: I said it.  I'm waging war on Christmas.  Suck it, Sarah Palin.


  1. The questions confuse me. Why would you need to ask Google if your husband is abusive? Anyway, I digress... I look forward to finding out just what breadcrumb-coated-foods-and-hollandaise recipes you are going to be consuming over the next few weeks! Jx

  2. It is a rather dismal list. And dull, dull, dull. I'd be more interested to find out if my husband is a serial killer or an escapee from an insane asylum or worse, that he was born biologically female, and I never had a clue.

    I'm planning an all carbohydrate diet for the holidays.

  3. Is your husband addicted to food processing?

    1. It's quite possible - I made meatloaf this evening, and he was quite excessively disappointed that I chopped the onion by hand...

  4. I expected to see Is my husband ever going to put down the toilet seat until I realized that everyone, even the dimmest bulb in the pack, knows the answer to that question is a sharp, definitive, resounding NO.