Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Birthday Girl: Last Star Standing

This demure creature has turned out, against all odds, to have had one of the longer, more interesting, and certainly more varied careers of all the many ladies who've passed through these pages.  Joan Collins is an actress, author, pundit, philanthropist, and all around Personality.

If no one has ever accused her of being Helen Hayes, Margaret Atwood, Maureen Dowd, or Miss Alice Tully - well, nobody beats her on the Personality front, and today she stands almost alone, one of the last reminders of the heady days when stars were Stars, who dressed and acted and acted out like it every hour of the day and night.

It took the then-unlikely concept of a nighttime soap-opera to rescue what had never been an A-career from what had sunk to truly Z levels, and ever since her triumph as Alexis Morrel Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan (and yes, I did do that from memory, and only missed Rowan) she's had a perfectly marvelous time.  She's one of the reasons (along with Princess Michael and Sheikha Mozah of Qatar) that I'm addicted to Hello! magazine, as she seems to appear in almost every issue, often on the arm of Percy, improbably taut and evidently devoted, the fifth and longest-lasting (ten years to date) of the Mr. Collinses.

Miss Collins, of course, is ageless, but it is whispered that this year she hovers on the brink of octagenarianism.  I wish her many more, all of them mascara-ringed, gloriously bewigged, en-furred, bejeweled, and entirely convinced of her iron-clad allure.  We shall not see her like again...


  1. I had a friend (sadly now passed), who mixed in these circles back in the day. He once told me la Collins was prettier (and funnier) than ElizabethTaylor, more foul mouthed than Ms Bassey, more glamourous than ZsaZsa and scarier than Sinatra! Those were the days.....

  2. In my deepest fantasies I imagine a turban-off between a vintage Miss Collins and the divine Sheikha Mozar with a late-era Joan Crawford moderating.

  3. A succinct and fantabulosa tribute to a true star! A classic vintage indeed. Jx

  4. Is it her jubilee this year too? Should be.

  5. This is marvellous, if you've not seen it.

  6. Every time I see her I just want to slap her, throw her in the fountain, roll around on the ground, and then be noble about it when my husband doesn't ask me what I have done this afternoon.

  7. She was kind of bitchy and rude to the small group of middle aged queens (myself most definitely included) who waited in a cold alley for her after an extremely poorly attended (and quite awful) performance of "Legends" with Linda Evans back in early 2007.

    Obviously, I loved every minute of it.

    1. That is a fabulous, fabulous photo, Bill, and I'm deathly jealous. Legends, I'm afraid, is one of those plays that's going to rear its head every few decades, with the fading-star duo of the moment convinced, just convinced, that they're the ones who can make it work.

      More or less the same thing has happened to Private Lives, the differnce being that it is an infinitely superior play that can, in fact, be made to work, like a top, if only it's done correctly.

    2. There's also a Linda Evans photo that I cannot locate at present.

      It was (almost) worth sitting through the absolute dreck that is Legends for the back alley meet & greet.

      Joan was quite haughty and rude and walked off on half the crowd. She screached at my buddy Bruce who had a Dynasty Season One DVD box for her to sign. "That's not me!" (pointing to the veiled, behatted figure pictured on the box) "I WILL NOT sign this!!" We howled after she left.

      Linda's plastic surgery actually looks pretty good in person. Shame she looks so odd on TV. She was sweet and personable.

      It was like an audience with Alexis and Krystle. I still wonder if they play it that way for effect.

    3. Well, how else could they, really? Neither grande dame is exactly famous for her range...